SteVader's World

Riddle-Me-Re

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:36:09 GMT

Here's a riddle for you.

It's not a "who am I?" or a "how do you?" riddle, it's more of a "what the fuck?" riddle.

I was on Windows Messenger tonight, chatting with a couple of mates. One about his night out, the other about .... well, I won't say what me and her were chatting about. That's not important.

Anyway, all of a sudden, at about 1.30am, a box pops up with this other girl I sometimes speak with, saying "Yo".

I respond politely, and she proceeds to tell me that she's been at a mate's house looking at old pictures with me in some of them. Fair enough. So, I thought, since she's brought it up I'll ask her something. I was keen to know why this person, who she'd been with this evening, has refused to acknowledge that I even exist for the past 5 months. The last time we spoke, everything was fine and we had the usual laugh etc... then nothing.... for months. She's ignored my emails, my messages, she's denied my friends requests on Facebook, and basically shunned me completely. As far as I know, we haven't fallen out. She's just chosen not to acknowledge me anymore.

Now, when I asked this other bird why she's denying I exist, she says, "I've told you already. I'm sick of telling you. I'm not discussing her with you"...... this last bit, after SHE started the convo talking about her.

(I've paraphrased, but all those points were present in the chat).... oh, and then she fucks off!!!

So, my riddle for you is this;

Is it just me, or would most people find that confusing?

Answers, in braille, to;

The Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Butlins Skyline Caravan Village

Skegness

Lincolnshire

PE25 1NJ

Results will be announced whenever I can be arsed.... cos quite frankly, I seem to be losing interest in this.

It's purely curousity that I can't shake off. There's much more important shit going on in my life right now. I've been seeing a skin specialist about a suspicious mole for the past six months or so. I have another appointment with her in September, when hopefully she'll be able to say whether or not it's benign.

I have a six year old nephew who's just been diagnosed with diabetes.... just like his brother and sister. I have a mum with Alzhiemers, who's slowly driving my dad to an early grave along with her. I haven't had more than a couple of jobs this whole year. The woman I love seems to doubt that, and thinks that being at arm's length is as near as I want to be.... and my garden's a mess. So forgive me if I seem to get a little touchy about shit like this happening. I know this will piss a couple of folk off.. I'm sorry, but NOT saying it was hurting me.

Thank you.

As promised, but a little bit later

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:22:30 GMT

So...... what have I been upto? My usual response is "not a lot", but I seem to have done quite a bit lately.

Maybe some of it will interest you, maybe it won't. I interested me at the time, so I may as well write it all down and go from there.

In no particular order (mainly because I can't remember when things happened) here's a short run-down of some stuff I've done.

Last month was a good one for work. I had a huge job to do, and managed to finish it relatively easily. I do love my work. I enjoy it very much whilst it's going on. Unfortunately there hasn't been so much to do in recent months, but hopefully that will change before too long.

I went to a 21st birthday party of one of my mates from the Carry On forums of which I'm a member.

I've mentioned these forums several times before, but I never tire of saying how much fun we all have, both on the forums and off. Several times a year, many of us all meet up, from all over the world. Whether it's an official Carry On celebration at Pinewood Studios, or whether it's just a group of us meeting for a weekend of fun and frolics with a Carry On celebrity or two. We do have a great time. There's a great shindig coming up in September. About 30 of us are decending on Brighton (where they filmed a couple of Carry Ons; Girls, and At Your Convenience) where we shall spend the weekend and meet up with the stars of many films and TV shows; Bernard Cribbins, Kenneth Cope, Albert Moses and others.

I've made a lot of very dear friends from these events over the years, and I don't know a nicer bunch of people. Whether it's a big group of us, or just a small gathering, every meeting with these people is a joy. Like last weekend, I went to visit Dave and his wife, just down the road in Halifax. A couple of other Carry On forum members came over from Wales and Sheffield, and we had a couple of days just enjoying each others company over a can or 12.

Anyway, this 21st birthday party was for Dean. It was held in a mountain rescue lodge, about an hours drive north of Preston. Practically in the Lake District area. All his friends and family were there for the whole weekend, and we had a great time. Not least of all because there was no mobile phone signal, and so we had to make fun as a group. And as if we weren't having a ball already, we were entertained by the legend that is Ruby Diamond; Northern Lancashire's premier drag act. Don't ask. She/he/it was great fun, and made the weekend so very memorable.

The following week, I went down to London, where I met up with a couple of mates and had a few drinks. The main reason for going there was to visit the BBCTV Centre and watch a show being recorded. The show was "Jonathan Ross Salutes Dad's Army". You may have seen it broadcast on BBC1 last night. If not, it's repeated on BBC2 this coming Friday night. In the studio were all the living cast members of this great sitcom. Apart from Clive Dunn, who sent a recorded message from his home in Portugal. A lot was filmed which didn't make it into the final edit of the show, including several excellent attempts by the audience to sing the theme song from the show.

The day after the recording, I went around London's West End to indulge my other hobby of autograph collecting. I managed to meet a couple of celebrities at the stage doors to the theatres they were playing in. Whilst I was walking from Covent Garden to Soho, I saw a small film crew pointing a camera at a doorway. I stoped to look for a moment, and James May from BBC's Top Gear came through the door and did a short piece to camera. Needless to say, I went over for a quick word with him, and to get his autograph.

The only other autograph of any interest that I got that day was Sanjeev Bhaskar, from Goodness Gracious Me.

That stagedoor visit was weird in itself. When we arrived (me and my mate, Howard) we walked passed three armed policemen on the corner, about 10 feet from the stage door. Whilst we were chatting, I noticed that across the road were more police, including an officer holding a semi-automatic, and looking very threatening. Alas we couldn't see what on earth they could be there for. That is until I noticed over Howard's shoulder, that a few men were just leaving a building about 100 yards away, shaking hands and getting into cars. I recognised one of them. "Howard," I said, "There's Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister of England." He didn't believe me, so I made him turn around and look. Sure enough, there was the PM. He got into his car, and then, flanked front and rear by security vehicles, he drove straight past us stood at the stage door. He came within 3 feet of me. I was carrying a bulging shoulder bag, which could have contained anything, and nothing could have stopped me from throwing it at his car. Not even several heavily armed coppers, pointing guns at me. Needless to say, I didn't. I doubt very much my underwear and Dad's Army books would have caused a major diplomatic incident, but those coppers weren't to know that.

The week before Dean's party (I think) I went along to a theatre in Leeds for some autographs. The first one was Marc Almond of Soft Cell fame. I was stood waiting ages for him, chatting to another autograph collector. We were both there, watching out for him approaching the theatre. Imagine our surprise, when he comes OUT of the theatre, and jumps in a cab. Quick as a flash I shout, "Marc". Now, we all know about marc Almond, and obviously that knowledge worked in my favour. He just heard a bloke shouting his name, so he was bound to be curious.... and rather than close the cab door and drive off, he left it open, and signed our stuff, and was generally very pleasant.

Two days later there was an 80's music show on at the Grand Theatre. On the bill were Toyah, Curiousity Killed the Cat and Nick Heyward, of Haircut 100 fame. Whilst I was chatting to the stage door lady, trying to work out who was already in the theatre that I'd missed, Nick Heyward drove up in his VW Beetle. A white one with number 53 on it..... the full Herbie job. He popped his boot and was about to start unloading his gear. I thought I'd better get in quick for an autograph, before he has his hands full. He was very cheerful, and started to sign the record sleeve that I'd presented him with, when suddenly he stopped... mid-word. So I said to him, "Have you forgotten your name?" That always gets a smile, and this time was no exception. "No," he says, "I was going to write 'Cheers', but I think 'Chocolate' is nicer."

I reply, "Not in this weather. It gives people headaches." (it was quite sunny and warm)

We then had a little chat about the chocolates that he'd been scoffing on his drive to Leeds, when I said to him, "Oh stop it, I'm starving as it is."

He then reaches into his car, and takes out a box of crisp packets, and gives me a bag of low fat crisps. Now, I don't know about you, but I find it's very rare that a chart-topping singer ever offers me snackfoods from the boot of his car. Is that just me who finds that to be the case? Thought not. A surreal encounter indeed.

Well, there's a few other things I've done recently. Mostly hanging around stage doors and meeting people I respect and admire. People like, Prunella Scales, Toby Dale (Jim's son and bit-part actor in Carry On Columbus), Roxanne Pallett, Carry On actor Patrick Mower and a whole load of cast members, up at Emmerdale's studios, and Tommy Steele (although he snook out of the theatre, but not before signing his autobiography for me)

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Cheers.

...a blast...

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 23:01:48 GMT

I might force myself to write a blog sometime tomorrow.

Recently, I've been to some nice places, done some nice things and met some nice people.

So, hopefully you'll enjoy reading about things like;

When I bumped into Top Gear's James May in Covent Garden.

When I scrounged a packet of crisps off of Haircut 100's Nick Heyward.

When I was recorded by BBC Television, singing the theme tune to Dad's Army.

When I was approached from behind by Marc Almond.

When I was nearly run over by a car carrying Gordon Brown.

...... and several other things.

Mind you, even if you don't enjoy reading such things, I'll still write them. Maybe.

hey ho

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:58:18 GMT

No... not her

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:25:04 GMT

As a best friend, she is great

A living legend, she is great

I don’t have to pretend she is great

Because….

I love her so much, and it hurts

My heart’s in her clutch, and it hurts

I dream of her touch, and it hurts

Because….

Most people can see how I feel

It’s painful for me, how I feel

So why can’t it be how I feel?

Because….

As long as she knows, I’m okay

Whilst my love for her grows, I’m okay

I have to suppose I’m okay

Because….

As a best friend, she is mine

A pal to the end, she is mine

Yet I have to pretend she is mine

Because….

The Vader Sessions

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 00:54:21 GMT

Star Wars with Darth Vader using dialogue from other James Earl Jones films.

This starts off a bit dodgily, but once it gets going, it's fooking lush.

Enjoy.

Oh, and Cat Lady, I've just realised what you were saying the other night. Sorry.

Psychic, my ar*e

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:38:08 GMT

I went into Leeds today, as both main theatres, The Grand and the City Varieties, both had decent shows on.
At City Varieties, Paul Merton was appearing with his "Improv Chums". A similar show to "Who's Line is it Anyway" (I assume) with Paul being joined by other comedy club players. A few names that I don't know (and didn't hang around for) plus Richard Vranch, the pianist from Who's Line and Jim Sweeney..... plus a mystery guest.
When I arrived at the theatre, I saw the huge tour bus parked at the end of the road, and thought I may have missed them. However, having been there for only a minute or two, Richard Vranch got off the bus for a look at the theatre, followed by Mike McShane. I'd heard he's been the mystery guest at a previous London show, but I was still very pleased to see him in Leeds. He's a lovely man, and was very jolly and pleased to sign. As was Richard Vranch.
Then a few minutes later, Paul Merton got off the bus and happily signed my book.

I waited a little while longer for Jim Sweeney, but I couldn't wait too long, as I had to get to the Grand Theatre, a couple of hundred yards up the road. Psychic (if you believe that rubbish) Derek Acorah was doing a show there.
As it turned out, I could have waited a lot longer for Jim Sweeney, cos Derek arrived very late indeed. He wasn't too rushed to sign my book and a card though. Although I don't enjoy his type of programmes very much at all, I'll happily give him credit for being a nice bloke. Had Paul Merton not been on nearby, I probably wouldn't have bothered going to meet Mr Acorah, but I was glad I did.

Paul Merton

Mike McShane (much slimmer now)

Richard Vranch

Derek Acorah

...

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 02:28:22 GMT

It's the name of the game

Wed, 28 May 2008 19:24:46 GMT

Life, as Brucie says.

Terms & Conditions;

You get old, and you die.

Them's the rules. Accept them.

It's when somebody only does ONE of those things without the other, that you've been cheated.

Gertcha

Wed, 21 May 2008 18:51:19 GMT

Met Chas n Dave today in Leeds, and Mick the drummer.

They were kind enough to sign my "Rabbit" too.

No, not that Rabbit, you dirty girl......

I just thought I'd share that with you.

Cheers.

Oh what fun....

Fri, 16 May 2008 18:24:56 GMT

Well, that was an odd week.

After making a deal with my best mate, I finally made an appointment at my local Medical Centre, to see about this here mole on my chest. It's been there for a few months, but this nice sunny weather we've had lately, and all the warnings about this and that, made me a little more concerned than I obviously was already.

Anyway, my appointment was for this morning, so upto Idle Medical Centre I went. Obviously, I only saw the Nursing Practitioner (different to a Practice Nurse somehow???!!) because GPs don't get involved until they know you're actually ill, or until they believe you may be.

Now, I'm a natural worrier, but even I was convinced it would be nothing serious. Despite the fact that my dad had skin cancer, and went through a Hell of a time several years ago.

I say I wasn't overly worried, but it seemed the nurse was, a little.

So, I now have to wait for them to book me an appointment with a specialist, for a Dermoscopy.

Great. I should point out that I'm kinda shitting myself. Oh, I just love waiting.

Other fun this week, was via a phone call I had from my sister on Tuesday.

She rang me up to see if I needed a lift to my Uncle Keith's funeral that afternoon. Now, despite having had lunch with several family members a few days earlier, this was the first I had heard about him passing away.

What's that all about?

I'm used to people ignoring me, denying we're friends, and generally behaving as if I don't exist, but I had thought that my own family would have mentioned that my uncle had died.

Ah well...... What can you do?

Have a nice weekend.

Who needs em?

Mon, 12 May 2008 16:03:58 GMT

I don't.

Killer Moles

On a lighter note, vote Rachel...... she'll do anything.

(I hope)

Oh Dear

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:20:43 GMT

Look, I didn't expect many of you to have a go at the quiz below, but I did expect a couple at least !!!!

The first question may be the hardest, but it's really not that hard.

There's a long series of spy films that tend to get shown on TV at Bank Holiday times. Fella with a gun and a number after his name...... Does that ring any bells?

Once ou have that answer, the rest of them are easy peasy.

Please have a go......... It's meant to be fun.

Bank Holiday Weekend Quiz

Fri, 02 May 2008 18:12:06 GMT

Okay..... here's a quiz for you all on this UK Bank Holiday Weekend.

There are 31 questions. All questions about films and TV that you might watch on a holiday weekend.

The answers are quite simple, and can easily be Googled..... but each question relies on you knowing the answer to the previous question. The very first and very last answers are the same, so you could maybe work backwards through them. Although I wouldn't recommend it

It's just for fun. No prizes, but I hope this won't deter you from having a go.

Please send me your answer to the email address HERE

No rush. Take your time. Enjoy yourself. There's nothing to win, but there's nothing to lose either!!

1. In 1964 a famous espionage story writer passed away, one month before a blockbuster film version of one of his stories was released. What film was this?

2. What was the first name of the title character in this film?

3. The title character of this film was played by whom?

4. Which other film version of the same author's work starred this actor as the main villain?

5. Who played the creator of the eponymous subject of this film?

6. Which other film musical saw this actor's co-star win an oscar for best actress?

7. Who was the lead child actress in this film?

8. Her more famous actress sister starred in which classic 1970s British sitcom?

9. The lead actor in this sitcom broke all theatre box-office records playing which infamous French literary hero on stage, also the name of the record-breaking musical about him?

10. Who was the lead actress when this musical opened, who just happened to be married to the composer of the score?

11. She recorded a version of the title song which reached number 7 in the UK singles chart, with the man who was scheduled to play the lead role. Who was he?

12. What was this man's biggest UK hit single (with his band) reaching Number one in 1975?

13. Which British pop group of the 1980s (still working today) covered this song, and released it as a B-Side to thier own second UK number one single?

14. What science fiction film did this band take their name from?

15. Who played the title character in this film?

16. For what film did she win her first Oscar?

17. Who played the title character in this film?

18. His son is a huge TV star now, heading the cast in several seasons of a hit US TV show. In 1988, what western film (and it's sequel) did he star in?

19. In 1982, which UK pop duo had a top ten hit with the same title?

20. After leaving this duo, the younger member had a number one hit single with which legendary soul singer (Her only UK number one)?

21. Which classic 1980 comedy (and it's sequel) did she feature in?

22. The surviving actor who played one of the title characters starred in two comedy films about an exorcising hitsquad. What were this team of four men called?

23. Who played the female lead in these films?

24. What series of four sci-fi films did this actress star in?

25. Who directed the first of these films?

26. Which 1982 futuristic film did he also direct?

27. Who played the title character in this film?

28. Which fictional historical hero has this man played in four films?

29. Who played his father in the third of these films?

30. What character has this man played a total of seven times in movies?

31. And what was the third of these films called?

Please email your answers HERE before next weekend. Thank you.

(If the email links don't work, it's stevader@hotmail.com )

Ooooh... what a bad miss...

Fri, 02 May 2008 11:53:29 GMT

I popped back into Sheffield yesterday to see if I could meet any more snooker stars from the glory days of Pot Black, and I wasn't disappointed.

After a slow start around lunchtime, when I only got to see BBC Sports presenter, Ray Stubbs, I was beginning to think that I'd maybe had a wasted journey.

Then, completely unexpected, legendary player and former World Champion Cliff Thorburn came out of the Crucible. Of all the players I'd expect to see there, he wasn't one I'd bargained for. He was a nice bloke, but not very chatty. Still, he was happy to sign a few books.

Then it went all quiet again for a while. I popped round the shops and met a mate for lunch. Always a risky thing to do when waiting for autographs, cos you can almost gaurantee that as soon as you leave the stagedoor area, somebody will pass through it. But this time I was lucky, and I missed nobody.

As I was meeting my mate at about 7pm for a few drinks, I pretty much hung around all day. Sometimes watching the match being shown on the big screen in the square outside the Crucible.

It wasn't until about 6pm that things got going. Four 'legendary' snooker players of days gone by all arrived to do their bit for the BBC. First was Willie Thorne. Followed closely by Terry Griffiths. Then John Parrott, and finally, John Virgo. If onlt Steve Davis and Dennis Taylor had been about, it would have been a perfect day. As it was, after a few drinks and a short train ride home, I was content that I'd had a nice day. I even picked up a bit of a tan... Bonus.

Have a happy Bank Holiday Weekend folks.

Steve

Oh dear...

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:19:41 GMT

Sad news today that Norweigan actress and former model, Julie Ege passed away this week.

She won't be a familiar name to many, and indeed not really a familiar face, but she was always one of my favourites, and was well worthy of a Phwoarrrr or two in such classic films as "Up Pompeii", "Percy's Progress", "The Magnificent Seven Deadly Sins", "Not Now Darling" and "On Her Majesty's Secret Service", aswell as a couple of Hammer Horror films, to name but a few.

After treatment for cancer and undergoing a mastectomy in the 1980's, she trained and qualified as a nurse in 1998. She was only 64.

RIP Julie Ege

Other news....... Does anybody here know how Windows Live Spaces define the word "comment"?

I saw a blog the other day that I found to be offensive. It was a cut & paste job of an article written by (or at least appearing to be written by, I can't be certain) BBC loudmouth Jeremy Clarkson in December 2007. In the article, he berated Christianity and the Church of England. Blaming everything wrong in the world on the beliefs and faith of the hundreds of millions of Christians worldwide. It's tone was demeaning, and I found it offensive.

So... I left a comment. It's a feature of Spaces, you know. Little button beneath blogs, that encourages you to "add a comment". You must have seen it.... I believe there's one at the bottom of this blog in fact.

My comment, expressed in no uncertain terms that I thought the blog was offensive. In fact, I said it was "fucking offensive".

Today, I noticed this comment, which Live Spaces had encouraged me to post, had been removed by the blog owner. So, I posted it again. Again, it was removed.... but this time I got a reply comment from the Blog host, saying that Live Spaces had emailed him to insist he remove it, and then gave him 2 hours to clean up his Space..... or else they would shut it down.

Now, obviously, I can't attest to how genuine the claim of an email from Live Spaces is. I try to believe most things I'm told, unless I have reason not to.

I just find it hard to believe that the word "fuck" is no longer allowed on Spaces at all, yet an attack (albeit from a third party in the form of a quote) on the Church of England, ultimately comparing God with garden furniture, is perfectly acceptable. If that's the case, then I'll have to assume that MY blog space, and many others I frequent, will be shut down in the very near future.

But, if Spaces IS going to continue to allow attacks on my religious beliefs, then I don't think I really want to be here anyway. Know what I mean?

Just to clarify, I don't care what YOUR beliefs are, but I do respect your decision to have them, and not to have them belittled by an overpaid journalist. Secondly, in my first comment, I used the word "cunt" to describe Jeremy Clarkson. I won't deny that, and I accept that was probably too strong, but I didn't use that word in my replacement comment, which was also censored.

Yet more news from the World of SteVader. I spent a lovely day in Sheffield this week. That's not an expression I ever thought I'd say.

I went down there to catch some of the Snooker World Championships at the Crucible Theatre, and I couldn't have timed it better. I managed to be there when Ronnie O'Sullivan made a maximum break of 147 in his last frame against Mark Williams. Wow. It's something to see this done on TV, but to be there and see it live was something else. Well done Rocket.

I also managed to meet Ronnie and congratulate him. Aswell as meeting Stephen Hendry, a couple of other newer players whose names I forget, and legendary referee, Len Ganley. He was a delightful man. I stood chatting with him for a while... so much so that I almost missed Ronnie O'Sullivan sneaking back to pick up his Audi, after having rushed out an hour before, refusing to sign autographs. Probably he was rushing home to count the £159,000 tha he'd made that afternoon. He was quite happy to sign in the end.

And as a bonus, if you care to call it that, Gary Wilmot is appearing at the theatre opposite, so I had a word with him too. Lovely fella.

That's about it for this week. I met a screen legend the other week, and I might blog about that later. Who knows?

I'd still like to start doing something creative on this Space, but after the pathetic interest that I had in last week's idea, I'm somewhat unsure of what you guys would like. Let me know... please. I made some suggestions in a recent blog, so you could always check them out. Rest assured though, if I do a puzzle or quizzy type blog, that EVERYBODY will be able to have a crack at it before the answers are revealed. I get a little fucked off when I see riddles etc that somebody has ruined by giving the answer as a comment after only a few minutes of the puzzle being posted. There's no fun in that. It takes no effort to insert a link to your email address into your blog. People can still comment at how they enjoy the puzzles, but at least everybody will be able to play.

And relax......

Serenity

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:44:03 GMT

I've had a fair bit on my mind of late. A dear friend of mine has very recently suffered a tremendous loss. The kind of loss that nobody likes to think about, let alone talk about. There seems to be nothing anyone can say to comfort somebody suffering so much.... but still people try. My heart goes out to her... and I'll always be there for her. That's all anyone can do, but that can never be enough.

I was speaking with her the other day, and although I had thoughts in my head, I chose not to speak them, for fear of seeming to be trying to "outdo" her grief. That was until SHE spoke my thoughts for me.

She told me that over the past few weeks, she's thought a lot about my neice, Victoria. I was touched by this. Even in her darkest hour, she took time to remember a baby girl whom she'd never met, and reflect on MY pain. I can only hope that by knowing how I feel, by knowing that I can understand her loss, and by having that unspeakable grief in common, that she can feel some kind of comfort in talking to me about her feelings. I can't imagine what she feels, from a maternal point of view. I can only guess that her grief is many times greater than mine ever was.

As some of you know, my family suffered a terrible blow several years ago, when Victoria sadly passed away at only eight weeks old. My brother and sister-in-law's first, and so far only, child. To go from the joy of her birth to the Hell of her death in just two months, was almost unbearable.

I think about her a lot, but not as much as I feel I should. When I'm reminded of her, I chastise myself for not having thought of her for however long it's been. I'll never forget her, but sometimes I just don't remember.

I don't really know why I'm writing this blog. I suppose it's because I can. I suppose I hope that someone actually reads it. It might be my way of saying sorry for how I've been over the past few weeks. This has been on my mind a great deal, and because of that I haven't allowed myself to consider the comparative triviality of Spaces life. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for any sympathy. I know you sympathise, maybe even empathise, because you've bothered to read this far.

I pray for my friend. I pray for Victoria. I pray for everyone who's suffered this way. These tragedies don't only define HOW you are, they define WHO you become... and I make no apologies for that.

Thank you for reading.

Rest In Peace Victoria

RIP Humphrey Lyttelton

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 00:33:38 GMT

At around 7pm last night, the world of broadcasting, comedy and jazz lost one of their greatest exponents.

Humphrey Lyttelton, the chairman of BBC Radio 4's long running antidote to panel games, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", passed away peacefully.

You may not know the name. You may never have listened to his show. You may not even know that there IS a BBC Radio 4 !!!!! Be that as it may, he was something of a hero of mine, and indeed of anyone who loves British radio comedy.

"I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" started in 1972 and was spawned from an earlier radio comedy show, "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again". Acclaimed jazz musician Humph was the show's host since the very beginning, and was still hosting the show as a live theatre programme until just a couple of weeks ago.

With a regular panel of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer and Willie Ruston, the format remained the same until the death of Willie Rushton some years ago. Since then, instead of replacing Willie Rushton, many guest performers made up the fourth man. John Cleese, Harry Hill, Stephen Fry, Jeremy Hardy, Bill Oddie, Bill Bailey, Jack Dee, Kenny Everett, and Phil Jupitus were among the many people who took part over the years.

Such games as "One Song To The Tune of Another", "The Uxbridge Dictionary", "Swannee Kazoo" and the legendary "Mornington Crescent" made up one of the best radio comedy shows of this, the last, and every other century.

I had the pleasure of going to see the live version of the show only three weeks ago, in Salford. The regular cast were joined by Jeremy Hardy, with Colin Sell, as ever, on the piano. It was a riot from start to end. True, many, if not all of the gags were ones we'd all heard on the radio shows, but nevertheless they were hilarious. Couple that with the fact that every one of the 1400 audience members was given a kazoo to play.. well, you can imagine the effect.....!!!!

As I and my mates are prone to do when visiting theatres, we arrived early to catch the stars going in the stagedoor, and despite Humph's ripe old age of 86, and the miserable cold weather on Salford Docks that day, he didn't complain once at being asked to stand outside and sign our books. A true gent, to the very end.... although we didn't know it was the end at the time... obviously.

RIP Humph. You'll be sorely missed.

Humphrey Lyttelton...... 1921 - 2008

Playing in the media player right now is an entire episode of "Clue".

Or HERE if I've since changed the background sound.

Please have a listen.... and a laugh.

Below is a copy of a blog I did about 18 months ago. Enjoy

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I've recently been enjoying the latest series of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" on BBC Radio 4 (check listings guide for details) and I thought I'd post some of the better examples of "New Definitions". This is a round in the game where the panalists have to come up with new definitions to existing words. Some of them take a little thinking about, but all are very funny when you get it.

Enjoy.

Tachycardia
Unfashionable knitwear.

Propaganda
A well-mannered goose.

Shellfish
A bit like a shelf.

Acquire
A group of people singing in church

Damnation
Holland

Maritime

When a wedding starts

Polygon
A parrot missing from it's cage

Geriatric
A German who's scored thrice.

Divest
Welsh underwear.

Abominable
A piece of explosive swallowed by a male cow

Machine
The wonderful glow on ma coffee table.

Kettle
Posh cows.

Template
Unpunctual secretary.

Tweet
A nice surprise for Jonathon Ross.

Winnebego

Horse with a bad back

Uganda

Go and have a look

Titillate

Delayed puberty

Bloater

Japanese straw hat

Binge

Where Sean Connery puts his rubbish

Malady

A bit like a duck

Carmalite

A half-hearted Buddist

Midwifery

Part way through breaking wind

Arboretum

A dockside restaurant

Surcharge

Cash for honours

Fundamentalist

Give money to SteVader

Sorceror

Even more of a saucer

Piecrust

What you get if you don't polish your pike

Beatitude

Pose adopted by insect prior to pollination

Capsize

Usually about seven and a quarter

Disappear

To insult a Lord

Hoarding

Sound made by a prostitutes microwave

Idiomatic

Ugandan washing machine

Flatulence

Emergency vehicle who picks you up after being run over by a steamroller

Relief
What trees do in the spring

Willy nilly
Impotent

Coffee
A person who is coughed upon

Bicycle
An icicle that swings both ways

Dictator
A crudely misshapen potato...

Selfridges

where you go to buy refrigerators.

Colonnade

Fizzy drink made from the contents of one's large intestine

Sorted

an injury to a bear

Extractor Fan

Someone who no longer likes tractors.

Assist

Something you go to the doctor with to get removed.

Divorce

One of our less intelligent equine friends

Once more unto the beach, Geoffrey

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 23:52:31 GMT

I almost forgot that today was a special occassion.

Thanks for reminding me, Punzy of Borg.

Have a wonderful

St. Zippy's Day.

Click HERE for the music

Once more unto the breach dear friends

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:43:00 GMT

Photo Album: Autographs in Person

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:58:31 GMT

Autographs in Person

Peter Rogers (Carry On)

Leslie Phillips

Patrick Mower

Margaret Nolan

Patricia Franklin (Carry On)

Johnny Briggs (Carry On)

Bernard Bresslaw (Carry On)

June Whitfield (Carry On)

Brenda Cowling (Carry On)

Dilys Laye (Carry On)

More Photos...

Photo Album: To Steve...

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:49:47 GMT

To Steve...

Adele Silva

Alan Curtis

Alec Bregonzi

Alex Carter

Alex Ferns

Allan Corduner

Amanda Barrie

Amelle Berrabah

Andrew Dunn

Andy Devine

More Photos...

Photo Album: Bye Bye

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:25:46 GMT

Bye Bye

Humphrey Lyttelton RIP 25th April 2008

Julie Ege RIP 29th April 2008

Sidney Pollack RIP 26th May 2008

Cyd Charisse RIP 17th June 2008

Clive Hornby RIP 3rd July 2008

Hugh Lloyd RIP 14th July 2008

Isaac Hayes RIP 10th August 2008

Sir Bill Cotton RIP 11th August 2008

Terence Rigby RIP 11th August 2008

Lita Roza RIP 14th August 2008

More Photos...

Photo Album: I'm Lovin' It

Sat, 17 May 2008 19:59:12 GMT

I'm Lovin' It

Good evening viewers!

Who ?

RIP Mike

glow worm

Angel of the North

lemsip1

Lambert & Butler

PC Trouble

Pete's Wagon

Little victories

More Photos...

Photo Album: Me and my Shadows

Sat, 17 May 2008 18:44:47 GMT

Me and my Shadows

Beauty & the Best

Go on then. Just one

Hey.....

Change

A long stretch... but over now..???????

Steve's Dragon

I've still got heart at least

Magic....

Miss Brook & I

..but is there any booze left in it?

More Photos...

Photo Album: My Stuff

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:50:21 GMT

My Stuff

Nobody Does It Better

My Heart Will Drag-on

Greatest American Dragon

ApesHit

minder3

Great Scott!!

Artists Impressions

Sarky & Hutch

Minder

Meat Loaf

More Photos...